Archives for posts with tag: London

 

Image “Hot damn, we’re wise”

Life can be challenging, we can all agree on that, right? However much you think you’ve got the hang of it, something will always crop up to stump/embarrass/annoy you. With that in mind, here are just a few of the random things (some etiquette-related, others less so) that I have learned that help me on this rocky road called life.

 Ooh rocky road…

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– Don’t run over cyclists. I know it’s hard sometimes, but you’re not meant to.

– The person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.

– If a man stands up to let an elderly person sit down, he’s a keeper.

– If you’re sitting next to a table with children, don’t swear.

– If you’re at a crossing and there are kids there too, wait for the green man. It’s not worth the evils you’ll get from their parents.

– Don’t go out in holey tights (unless you are one of the VERY rare few who can make it look like a fashion statement. NB. If they are clear tights, no one can.). Always carry a spare pair.

– Don’t yell at your kids/partner/sibling/friend/fish in front of their friends, it’s not nice.

– Also, don’t yell at people for spilling things, and other accidental happenings. Some people are just clumsy. (It’s not our fault! I try! I just can’t make it from one side of a room to another without collapsing and/or dropping something and/or stepping on someone’s dog.)

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– Don’t borrow trouble. Not all fights have to be your fights.

– Sometimes, being unreliable is as bad as being mean.

– Do not leave the house with chipped nail varnish.

– Honesty is always the best policy (except for when it isn’t).

– Don’t tell someone something bad about their outfit if it is too late for them to change it.

– Don’t complain that it’s too hot in London, do you want to scare the sun away?! Do you??!! (Too late, you already did, grr)

– Be graceful in defeat. A bad loser is the loseriest of all losers.

– Be graceful in victory, one day you might not be victorious and it will help if people don’t hate you.

– Don’t forget about your friends as soon as you get a boy/girlfriend. They loved you first and they’ll love you after.

– Never trash talk someone in a different language on the tube. They will invariably be from that country.

– Don’t take pictures of strangers without their permission. Even if it’s just because you think they look cool, or because you can’t believe that anyone would actually wear those trainers with the stuffed poodles on them out. It’s an invasion of privacy and it’s not nice.

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– Don’t ignore homeless people. You don’t have to give them money or buy a Big Issue but failing to acknowledge other people is rude.

-Apologise. If you bump into me in the street, if you make a mistake at work, say sorry! (I actually read an article recently debating whether or not a boss should ever apologise at work. How is that even a question!? If you make a mistake, however big or small, acknowledging it and apologising is always the correct response. You are a grown up, not a sulky child! Of course, I am a bit excessively English about this and do tend to apologise even if I had nothing to do with what went wrong. You don’t have to do that!)

– When dealing with awkward moments, speed is everything. Someone sits on your hand on the bus, move it/mention it immediately. If you let even 3 seconds go by, you are that weird person who was touching their butt this morning.

-Give shy people a chance. They are frequently hilarious.

-Don’t talk about money (at least, never give specifics). It’s uncouth.

-Couth is not a word. But it should be.

-Wearing high heels to make you look better is moot if they also make you walk like a dinosaur with a dodgy hip.

-Never put anything in writing that you wouldn’t feel comfortable showing everyone you know. Otherwise you’ll end up having to make your mother drive you to school in the middle of the night (which she won’t be best pleased about) to beg the caretaker to let you search for a “text book” you lost that was actually a book with hundreds of drawings and explicit poems about your teachers shagging in it. In your handwriting. (Which your mother also won’t be best pleased about).

-There is no point in letting previous relationships/experiences colour new ones. You’re the one who misses out.

-Sisters are awesome. They know all your secrets but have to love you anyway.

-If you can’t cook, try to befriend/love others who do. Trust me, it’s handy.

-Dancing and doing karaoke half-heartedly is more embarrassing that throwing yourself into it even though you suck.

-Crocs are for kids. And Jesus-sandals are for Jesus.

-If you don’t think you are awesome, who will?!

If anyone else has any pearls of wisdom that they live by, please chime in. I could use all the help I can get!

 Thank you!

Love,

The Etiquetterie

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Summersummersummertiiime! It’s here it’s here! It’ll be gone in a week but still, it’s here! And I am excited!! Can you tell?

So, the sun is finally shining, the grass is finally greening, my legs are finally, well ok they still glow in the dark but you get my drift, it’s summer! And I hadn’t realised until this latest burst of joyous warmth that summer needs an etiquette guide all of its own. It turns out that people do bizarre things in summer. Things they wouldn’t dream of doing in the bleak midwinter. And while I enjoy the easy-breezy, relaxed summer vibes as much as the next Vitamin D starved Londoner, I think it might be time to put the brakes on certain summertime habits.

So,

Summer Rule 1: Don’t listen to Nelly! Yes, it certainly is hot in herre Sir but adding unnecessary Rs is an odd response. Oh and please don’t take off all your clothes. They do actually make clothes out of lighter fabrics specifically for use in this most temperate of seasons. Fleece or nudity are not the only options. So, men- shirts are to be worn at all times when wandering around the city. At the beach you may take it off. In your garden you may take it off. The rules pertaining to the bath and shower remain unchanged, you may get as naked as you wish. But when there are no large or small bodies of water anywhere near you, please keep it covered. Showing off is not a good look and bumping into a shirtless sweaty stranger is an experience I could do without. (Trust me, it sounds better than it is.) The same goes for women, skimpy outfits are fine, underwear in public is not. I know that we here in London only get about 20 minutes of sunshine a year and it makes us all a little crazy but do remember that it’s called underwear for a reason. The clue is in the name.

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